1st Understanding
by Akemi Angst
Summary: Kenyako. NOW COMPLETE. This is a sad, angsty, at times a little fluffy, story of a difficult and unsure love. Can things that go wrong ever become right again? Will a love and friendship be torn apart by pain? please R&R.
1. Spread of the Hurt

Author's note  
Okay, this is AkemiAngst. This is my first Fanfiction so if you review, and I would really appreciate it if you did, No flames. This story is rated PG-13 because of its dark themes. Ken and Miyako are 17, TK, Kari and Davis are 16, Cody is 12 and figure the rest out yourselves. I hope you enjoy this. This story is a Kenyako! It has a pinch of Takari, Taiora and Jyomi. Sorry if you don't like those couples. If you can't stand them don't read the story. Speaking of the story, let's get down to it!  
Disclaimer: I Do not Own Digimon. Sorry. What else can I say. If you are reading this and you do own it, as much as I doubt that happening, please do not sue me for borrowing.   
1st Understanding  
  
"Mama, Daddy you can't! Don't leave me here! I'll do it again if you do! I can't stay here ! you are my family! Don't you care? Let me come home!" The 3 women and 2 men ( her 2 sisters, mother, father and brother) to whom she had spoken flinched. The girl cried as she turned to her 'friends' "Kari, TK, Davis, Cody. I know I was a little crazy sometimes and my emotion and energy and mouth get carried away but you think I deserve this, this hell?!" silence. The long hair shook with the thin frame of its owner, tears and sweat of anger, rage and horrible, unbearable sadness. At them? At herself? No one knew. But the screaming fell down to a hoarse frightened half whisper. "Was I a bad friend? You , don't want me around? I'll leave you alone. Please?" Kari, short for Hikari Yagami, looked weak . She was being supported by TK, Takeru Takaishi, and Davis, Daisuke Motomiya, though they themselves did not look much stronger. Cody, Iori Hida, hid almost completely behind the three older friends. None of them could, would meet the eyes of their hurt friend who was lashing out at them.   
"And YOU!" her voice rose again and she succeeded in catching his eye for a second, as everyone looked up in shock at the sudden rise in volume, before he looked away in a swish of ebony hair. "You don't understand? You don't care that I'm in an insane asylum?! Of everyone I know I thought that you would understand me, understand how my emotions could take control of me, my bad emotions, understand!" the last word was sobbed and sounded more like a plea. For about a minute everyone was silent as she cried, fallen to her knees in anguish. But soon the girl collected her self and stood, albeit on shaking feet and weak legs. Her next words were harsh, cutting and tearing as she looked where his face was, though it was concealed from her, he wouldn't look her in the eye. She spoke in not a scream but a firm loud voice of controlled anger.   
" Ken Ichijouji you were a monster!" the boy started and a tear slipped down his pale face. "I forgave you." She continued, not noticing him. "I understood that your feelings were too much. I accepted you and believed after a short time that you had truly changed. I accepted the true Ken, the kind Ken. And I loved you..." Her voice had fallen, sad, she was, and nostalgic. Then as it dawned on not only her but everyone, what she had just said she took a sharp breath and met his gaze as he looked at her in amazement.   
Miyako Inoue wiped her eyes of tears. It was now she who looked away from him. she did not yell but her words burned him. "I was wrong. You don't care that I'm here. You want me here. You don't understand. Maybe I was wrong before. I've been wrong a lot. Maybe, you are a monster." At these words the room was silent.   
Ken backed away. He sought and captured her eyes. pain. "Miyako... I" he made a small noise like a tortured animal. Then he turned his and ran.   
Miyako looked down. When she looked back up she was crying noiselessly. "I can get better but I need to be home. Please."  
Her friends an family looked at each other. Finally, Kari stepped forward and sighed. "Try to understand Miyako. You aren't well. You need to be taken care of. We all care for you and want you to be safe and healthy. Maybe Ken does understand, but in a different way than you. Maybe someone should have done something like this for him. We do love you Miyako. You're our friend. Sorry." After countless more minutes of awkward silence they said their good-byes and reassurances as she stared ahead silently. As the sound of their feet in the quiet hallway faded from her ears she remembered.  
Flashback~~~~~  
The pill. So much pain. How could she continue to stand under this much pain. Life seemed stretched ahead like a horrible desert. She hated it. Life, herself everything. She hated being the annoying loudmouth of the group. TK had hope, friendliness, and looks. Davis was obnoxious but enduring and endearing a great friend. Cody was smart, mature, and loving in a pure trust based way. Ken, Ken had everything. He lost some genius to rejecting his darkness but he was still so smart. He was handsome, and athletic ...Hikari, everyone loved Hikari. Hikari was pretty, calm, so nice, so gentle, so perfect. If Miyako was none of those things didn't that, by default mean that no one loved her, at least not the way they did Hikari. And For a second she almost forgot what she was doing. But she remembered. To her it was worse that they would miss her, all her loved ones would be sad over her. "Why" she asked herself. And she had doubts, but they were weak and held down. She swallowed the bottle then a few more for good measure. Overdosed. It seemed like such a good answer to the pain. The pain grew as the drugs poisoned her. She lost consciousness. She lived. Her mother found her before she had died completely. But it was close."  
~~~~~~  
She half couldn't believe that it had happened. Was she sorry? Would she do it again if she could go back. Did she still want to die? Did she have any reason to live? Would she try again as she had threatened. Her brain grew muddled.  
Miyako lay in her in her bare white room that night and thought of him. His long black almost chin length hair, his beautiful dark blue eyes his thin but strong frame. One image resurfaced again and again. The whipping of his hair, the sudden weak look in his body, and the horrified wounded look in his eyes after she called him a monster. Oh Miyako she thought remorsefully You did it again. You got carried away. He will really never love you now. Ken probably hates me. I can't ever be loved back like I am in love, not now, not ever And with much self pity Miyako Inoue cried herself into a fitful sleep.   
  
To be continued...   



	2. Torn Apart and Understandings

  
Okay here's part 2 which I hope you are looking forward to. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Are some parts of this chapter a little confusing? I think I might have muddled up my thoughts. Please review and tell me this and what you think in general!  
DISCLAIMER: Since writing part 1 of the story I have not gained ownership of Digimon.   
  
  
1ST UNDERSTANDING  
Ken Ichijouji ignored the tears sliding down his face and the shame he felt at having run home crying. In his opinion 17 year old boys did not run home crying. Actually, even most 17 year old girls did not customarily run across town to their rooms sobbing as he had. Ken tried, and pretty much succeeded, to not think about that as he lay, still crying on his bed. Instead he thought of her.   
"Oh Miyako. I'm sorry. I'm not a monster , you weren't wrong about forgiving me." In his mind he saw her as he always did, lavender hair swirling, her thin form dancing to the beat of his heart. Dozens of images of Miyako Inoue flooded his mind. Miyako smiling, laughing in joy at a victory, or a good time with good friends, or a joke, or at her own big mouth and bravado. Miyako making them all laugh. Miyako yelling, at Kari, TK, Davis, Cody, ("Hey Davis that one was mine! Augh! Cody you're so stubborn!") and of course him. He saw a clip of memory showing her slap him when he refused to accept that they needed and wanted his help. Then he saw Miyako comforting him, refusing to allow him to wallow in the guilt of his shame. Miyako crying. As he tried to suppress those displays of pain, Ken realized that recently he had seen her cry more than ever before. In fact, he had seen her just a few days before the 'incident' 2 weeks ago, sitting in the park crying. " Why didn't I comfort her then? I'm a coward. Why didn't I guess that something was wrong. She did understand me. She was the first, after Davis, to forgive me. I, if nothing else owe her. What if I had gotten her to open up? If I had suspected, maybe then ...  
  
flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Ring Ring Ri...  
Hello?   
"...Ken is that you?"  
"Davis are you crying" Ken was already worried Davis had never, ever cried like this. There was pain Ken did not even think that Davis knew of conveyed in that cry.   
" Ken... It's, Miyako, she... she tried to kill herself Ken" The voice struggled to remain coherent. " She overdosed on pills... don't know if she'll... if" Davis lost his struggle and broke down. His sobs were painful for his best friend to hear but not nearly as painful as the news, accompanied by an epiphany at an inconvenient time. Yeah inconvenient was an understatement. When he thought of her gone the answer to the magnitude of the pain was so clear. It was for this reason that Ken could offer no comfort to his friend.   
I love her One real succinct thought that managed to be processed in his whirling brain.   
" Davis, Where is she?!" Ken spoke with a sharpness, an anger, different from the quiet voice he had adopted after he turned his back on evil. Davis managed to gain control of himself enough to mumble  
"The hospital here in Odaiba. Are... ? Ken?" Ken hung up. The dial tone seconds later would confirm his suspicion. Ken was gone on his way to the hospital barely suppressing the scream of horror fighting it's way out of him from the depths of his being. The hospital was horrible. The waiting room was cold an sterile. Not knowing whether she would make it was torture. She had hurt herself so much. Ken wouldn't cry. He sat in silence in the corner, refusing any and all companionship. Once he knew her fate, live or die, then he would feel again or never. He watched as Kari and Tai entered, Kari sobbing unrestrainedly , as part of Ken longed to. Tai's eyes were red though he tried to look strong for the group of which he was the leader. Kari had flung herself onto TK who also was crying. TK , Cody and Matt(he was staying with TK for the summer) lived in the same building as her and heard and had arrived first. TK comforted Kari as he hugged her but Ken, the silent observer did not miss the pleading look of a frightened and confused child that TK looked to Matt with as he held Kari. Cody, Ken had never seen him cry, ever, he was always controlled and seemed so mature. Now he sat as if he were 8 again, younger even since it was Cody, on the floor with his head in his hands. Ken watched the others arrive, denying himself any emotion that tried to surface. Mimi, Joe, Sora, Koushiro(Izzy) as each one came they sought solace in the group, but for once the group could not fix everything. They could stand to the monsters of the world's nightmares but the pain of one teenage girl had cut them deep. One of their own had felled them. Davis was last to arrive, but there were no glib or humorous comment on his tardiness at this meeting of the Digidestined. He had looked so bad, hair a mess, clothes as if he had dressed in his sleep, goggles which he still wore after 4 years since the final battle absent, face dark, eyes red and puffy, back bent by the weight of his pain. He was enveloped into the comfort of others who shared his pain. Ken refused the comfort and sat in the corner, hoping she would make it and holding back his fear, pain, and tears.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Ken grimaced as he felt the pain in his heart. She made it, only for him to lose her anyway. Knowing she was alive did lighten his heart, and was of course was an infinite amount better than her being dead, but he didn't know how to stand the dreadful mix of emotions that swirled into existence when she said that she loved him then called him a monster. It destroyed him. The boy pushed away the tear soaked hair that clung to his face and dried his tears as he steeled his resolve. " But I know I can't leave her because of my understanding for her. The understanding that she doubts. I do understand. I'll understand better. I'll do what I should have done before, what someone should have done for me. I'll talk to her, really talk to her. Maybe one day she won't, ugh, hate me, she'll be my friend again" He smiled at that. The thought of being just friends with her was enough for him, it was like being shown and allowed to smell all the delicious foods in the world at once but never being allowed to touch them. It was a torture but still such a gift and blessing. The smile on the boys face was an innocent and pure look of youth, betraying his experience with emotional pain and hopelessness. Ken Ichijouji fell asleep to beautiful and slightly silly dreams of a world where he had her friendship again and they could be together as friends forever, though it was a step down from perfection in his mind. He understood that she probably could never love him. That was his second understanding of them, Ken and Miyako. His first was that he loved her anyway and only.   
  



	3. The Pain Discussed

  
Author's Note: Please read enjoy and review. This story is working out well and I'm going to try to get  
  
most or preferably all of it up before I leave for my trip to Germany(!) on Tuesday. I will fix grammatical  
  
errors when I have finished the story. Bear with me. Anyway here is part 3. Enjoy it. Please no flames.   
  
My emotions are too delicate. By the way thisthoughts indicates thought. If some parts confuse you   
  
don't worry things will be explained more as the story continues. (I love reviews!(hint hint))  
  
DISCLAIMER: YOU KNOW THE DRILL. I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (well not Digimon anyway.)  
  
  
  
"What are you doing here Ken?" sighed Miyako. The room was the white visitors room in which the scene just 2 days before had played out. The boy addressed did not answer the girl he had to his heart re-avowed his love for the night before.   
  
"What are you doing here Davis" Ken glared at his best friend despite himself as he spoke in a soft silky voice of anger. Davis unwrapped his arms from around Miyako.   
  
"Jeez Ken we were just you know talkin'. Miyako is one of my best friends. I have to make sure she doesn't cause to much trouble." At his last words he flashed a smile to both Miyako who returned it however weakly and to Ken who after only a moment did the same.  
  
" I'm sorry Davis. I don't know what came over me. Actually I came here for the same reason." He smiled sheepishly ashamed of his jealousy.   
  
"No problem dude. I've got some idea 'what'" The last part was added in a mutter  
  
"Huh"   
  
"Nothing. Now I gotta go. See ya later Miyako. Be a good girl"  
  
"Yeah" she murmured as he trotted out the door. Her smile still looked weak. It wasn't the smile that warmed him enough to bring him back from the dead. The girl cast a fleeting glance at the boy now seated across from her then fixed her eyes on the ends of her lavender hair as she fiddled with it.  
  
"Miyako..."  
  
"Ken why are you here?" Again she asked. Ken was struggling with his words. All his instincts urged him to run and he was ashamed of his cowardice. Something deeper in him, though, luckily, kept him there. When he spoke it was with an air of urgency.   
  
"Miyako you Are my friend. I had to come and see how you are doing." He visually evaluated her well being. To him she looked beautiful, but then she always did because his vision of her was obscured by his love. Past that though he knew she actually did not look well. Her long hair was tangled and limp the usual gleam dulled. Her face was pale and seemed permanently drawn in with pain. This combined with the redness from the clear traces of crying on her salt streaked face accented the small flaws in her complexion. Her eyes were faintly bloodshot and sad, hollow, hurt and confused. Ken resisted the urge to try and kiss away her pain to shout at her that he loved her that even though she didn't have the crest she was his light.She doesn't need your love confession. Look at her. She needs a friend.  
  
"Oh Miyako please could you just talk to me. Why did you do this"   
She crinkled her brow and looked away from Ken. Her eyes sparkled not with joy or love but with unshed tears.  
  
"I... I don't want to talk about it. You don't have to stay. Just leave. You won't understand." The words hurt but he refused the pain refused every cell in his body telling him to run, to do as she asked. He resisted and persisted.  
  
" Miyako I will understand more than you think. Don't you see what the Digimon Emperor was for me? He was my escape, my self destruction. You had yours and it was different but still it is the same. I'm not a monster anymore so let me help you please. I will understand because I fell into self destruction as well." He held back tears of mixed emotion. Now wasn't the time.   
  
" Damn it!" the exclamation startled him. "Okay fine Ken! Here's your truth. I felt bad duh! Everything is hard! I'm nothing and I always will be. I'm not pretty, not, kind, not brave, not even that smart. At least before in the fight and for a little after I felt needed. Being destined for something felt great it made the hardship worth it. But my destinies over now and I'm only 17. I feel so pointless. And I feel bad for feeling bad, like I'm just being over dramatic. No. What is there left? I lost my hopes my dreams slipped away. It just seemed so easy to... to die. I couldn't live in the pain. That's something else I'm not strong." Her voice fell, her eyes grew dark and haunted. "Easier than living in pain. The medicine, I wanted it to end it. I didn't know the amount of pain involved but I didn't care. I don't want to be here. I don't belong here. I'm lonely, always lonely. I'm alone, all and always alone. Nobody cares?" she stopped as she realized that she was speaking and that he was listening. She wondered if she had just been talking about the asylum or life in general.  
  
Miyako when you look up he'll be gone you'll never see him again.  
Miyako cried silently but for only a second then gasped and jumped as she felt a thin but strong arm wrap around her shaking shoulders.  
  
"I'm sorry that I wasn't able to help you Miyako." His voice shook and was full of remorse.  
  
It's just like that time... A sweet smile of remembrance crossed her face as she recalled her past.  
  
"That's okay Ken I know you were scared and it would have been silly for you to fall down too. You were so scared you probably, wouldn't have been much help..." Ken looked at her questioning as she murmured words of another time, then realized and groaned in renewed embarrassment.  
  
"It was perfect" she spoke softly as if to break the memory.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"That time. Not for you I know. But for me...You needed me as a friend. To give you what ever comfort I could through my incessant rambling. The fight was in a lull, kind of, but the Digiworld still needed me, us. Mostly I didn't even mind myself." She smiled sadly at him as his smile faded. He stared at her.  
  
"Miyako, you've always seemed so happy."  
  
The girl sighed and pushed back her neglected hair. "I know and really a lot of times I was. Just, alone I saw, see how flawed I am. I'm not, never have been or will be Kari, gentle, empathetic, beautiful. I am harsh, loud and ugly. Maybe that ugly thing shouldn't even bother me but it does all of it does. I guess I just kind of got lost. Still, I don't want to be in this hospital." She rested her head in her hands and sighed again as her hair also slipped forward once more. The sleeves of her loose long-sleeved pale blue shirt slipped down her thin arms.   
  
"I know Miyako but these doctors can help you. They can take care of you. I... we can't be around all of the time we can't help as well." A passion rose into his voice. " We are worried Miyako, don't you see? You almost died! That would have crushed us, and your family. You are unhealthy! We care about you! And... Miyako what is That!?" As she moved her face from her hands her hair moved to reveal...  
  
" Oh this?" she laughed an unhappy, humorless laugh. It might have been a groan. She held out her wrist for him to better see the red scar in question. " Didn't they tell you?"  
  
"No" was the short reply. After a moment of silence it was Ken's turn to sigh. "Oh Miyako." He reached out and grabbed (gently) both her arms and held them as he examined the short, vertical scars marring the pale perfection of each one.   
  
"Ken, I..."  
  
"Let me be your friend Miyako. Please. I just want to help you. You will get better. You helped me so much. Now let me help you. I'm sorry Miyako."   
  
"Ken I'll try. I don't know how much of a friend I can be right now to anyone. Now, please Ken, just go." She held back fresh tears suddenly she didn't feel like seeing him, especially when she was crying.  
  
"Okay Miyako. But I will come back."  
  
"Tears slowly fell as she watched his retreating back. Miyako looked away. She didn't want his pity. Ken I want you to love me not befriend me out of guilt and pity. Miyako's illness obscured her understanding of the friendship offered.   
  
Miyako, Know that I love you. I half lied when I said I wanted to be your friend because I want so much more. But I understand that with you any relationship is worth it. I understand that you need a friend. Ken promised not to 'push' his love on her.   
  
  
  
  
  



	4. An Intermission for the Pained

  
  
Author note: Hey, here's part 4 (right?) this chapter is a lighter toned than the others. It's an attempt at a little humor but I dunno if I'm to good at it. As always I'll say that I would love to hear from you through reviews. Oh yeah this is a Kenyako first and foremost but there are smidgens of other couples. It is not changing to Daiyako, sorry if you want it to. ( you'll see why I'm saying this). ON with the show. But first a small reminder. I don't own digimon.   
  
" Oh hi Davis." Miyako turned away from the window out of which she had been gazing in a sad melancholy sort of way. Her face brightened at the sight of one of her best friends, then even more as the rest of them, minus Ken entered. She didn't let his absence bother her.   
"Kerri, TK, Cody, Hi!" She was truly happy to see them her ill will towards them had faded in the three days that she had been here (she really wasn't mad at them ever anyway) and she was glad to have company.  
  
"Hey Miyako! We've got a surprise for you!" Kari chirped, gushing happily at the improvement she perceived in her friends rise in cheer. "Come in you guys!"  
  
  
"SURPRISE!" six voices yelled at once.   
  
"TAI! SORA! MATT! JOE! MIMI! IZZY!" Miyako's greeting was stopped when she was smothered in a hug by all six of them at once.   
  
Miyako laughed as did her other friends, standing to the side watching the spectacle. For a moment the crippling pain which had destroyed her spirit was gone. The pain that had brought her from a bubbly happy thirteen year-old to a 17 year- old survivor of attempted suicide was lifted. For a moment she regretted.  
  
"I'm happy to see you guys too but please I can't breathe. I'm too young to die!" The 6 original digidestined pulled back abruptly and looked uncertain. Oh yeah. Die. She remembered. But pushed away pain and beamed at her ten visitors. All her friends returned her smile though their eyes hinted at sadness.  
  
"I can't tell you all how much better I feel at this exact moment." Her eyes grew only a bit teary. "I know that it's only been 3 days but I've been lonely for you and my family." Miyako felt bad as she realized that she had put the sadness in their eyes, had wounded the group. They had all been through so much that it seemed unlikely that they would have not only survived but maintained their deep bond of friendship. But there they were. Tai stood with his arm around Sora. Joe holding Mimi's hand, from which a diamond ring sparkled. Both older girls had just a hint of tears denied passage from their eyes. Izzy and Cody, possibly her closest friends eyed her keenly unsure of this, a situation that was unfamiliar, but curious, and compassionate. Matt looked at her with a quiet smile and a bemused expression. He still and always held back the friendship he felt for her because the two of them had never been close. Davis stood closest to her, with an unreadable expression. He had been difficult to read since the hospital since she heard him talking to himself, partially to her, in the room.  
  
Flashback ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"No, no! She will live! Miyako where are you where'd you go? Don't you want to taunt me? Hurt me? You can't die Miyako! I've been wrong about so much but I won't be about this. I thought that I needed Kari, that I loved her for so long." Unseen by her, Davis glanced over to Kari who was finding solace with TK. "I was wrong. I've thought that out of all of my friends I would miss Ken the most because he is my best friend. Now I find out that that is wrong to. No offense to Ken of course Miyako, I know that you wouldn't want me to insult him. I'm not, I won't be wrong about this. You have to live. That's an order. " Davis said all of this in a light way. Almost as if she was awake and they were just hanging out. Almost. Miyako was half unconscious but even she could hear the raw emotion and the childlike vulnerability and confusion, and the fear in his quiet (for once) voice.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yeah, she remembered that, but it didn't make sense. Did Davis like her? No, he just thought of her as his best friend. She was touched. Miyako shifted her eyes from Davis to TK and Kari. She let out a small sound of glee when she saw them holding hands. Her mouth took off, very reminiscent of the old days.   
  
"Whoa! Kari TK are you guys holding hands?! When did this happen?! Does Tai know Kari?! I thought he said 16 was still to young to date, for you anyway. I mean obviously he was just being over protective and stuff. My brother was never like that. Of course I've never actually dated. Isn't that sad? I'm 17 for pete's sake (who says pete's sake anymore?) But I'm happy for both of you. I've been waiting like 4 years to see this. Yeah. Perfecto!" She said all of this very fast but they all understood the words. Kari and TK's eyes widened and they dropped their hands and avoided the stares of their brothers. It seemed that neither brother had heard.  
  
Kari smiled at her friend in an apologetic sort of way. "It um happened at the hospital Miyako. TK was comforting me and I was comforting him and it just sort of happened. Everything clicked. Sorry" She nudged TK  
  
"yeah. Sorry?"  
  
"No I'm glad something good could come of my..." Her voice drifted off and the purple haired girl fell into her own haunting thoughts.  
  
"Tai whose initial shock seemed to have worn off took the silence as an opportunity to speak to TK. He sidled up to him and whispered in an 'I mean business tone.'  
"I'll give you a ten second head start to run IF you can guarantee to me that you haven't kissed my little sister."   
Miyako's mood was brought up again when she saw TK blush and gulp guiltily. He ran over to her and whispered. "Miyako I um have to go right now. I'll visit again if I live. Pray for me" he added the last part in mock, she assumed, terror. With that TK gave her a small hug. He trotted over to Kari and with a side glance to Tai who could be heard whispering "2......3..." TK leaned in and planted a small but firm and loving kiss on Kari's lips. Then he sprinted out of the room.   
  
"TK YOU BETTER RUN!" Tai roared as he made to tear out of the room. He paused at the door and spoke to Miyako. "Sorry Miyako, I'll see you later, Duty calls!" He gave her a small wink caught only by her and then was gone.   
  
"Miyako it's been great seeing you. Take care. TAI YOU BETTER NOT HURT MY BROTHER!" Then  
Matt too was gone.  
  
Sora sighed deeply. "Oh, man. I had to fall in love with Taichi Yagami huh? I don't think he'll do  
anything drastic.' She reflected on her words. " What am I saying! He always does something drastic!  
Miyako I gotta go! It has been great seeing you I'll come back!" TAI THINK ABOUT THIS! WE WERE  
DATING WHEN WE WERE 16. TAI BE RESONABLE! TAI..." (All of this, TK running to Sora   
running occurred in about 30 seconds)  
  
Miyako turned to Kari, who was smiling dreamily. "Uh Kari was that the first time he kissed you?"  
  
"Second" was the dreamy reply.  
  
"Do you love him"  
  
"So much"  
  
"Then you might want to stop you're brother from killing him." Miyako smiled as Kari's face changed to  
shock. She remembered happiness, no wonder she had missed it, wanted it.  
  
"oh no. Um Miyako would it be all right with you if um we continued this visit uh later." She looked truly  
worried.   
  
"yeah"  
  
"TAI STOP" She ran to catch up yelling at her brother all the way, though he was probably well out of   
hearing range.  
  
The remaining 6 friends laughed. Only Joe seemed slightly disturbed. He glanced at his fiancee, who was  
almost crying from laughing.   
  
"Um Mimi?"   
  
"Yeah Joe?" she answered after collecting herself for a moment.  
  
" Do we absolutely have to invite them to the wedding?"  
  
"Joe those lunatics are the ones who are going to make the wedding perfect. Or at least unforgettable. I  
wouldn't have it any other way."  
----------------------------------------------------   
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: That was okay I think. Humor is hard. I exaggerated some characters, namely Tai,   
but it wasn't bashing. I love all the Digidestined! The story isn't over! However this segment will  
probably the last until I return from my trip on the 30th. (rambling warning) I'm off to Germany and the   
next couple days will be spent getting ready. To all those who enjoy the story, I have no intention   
whatsoever of not completing it. This is my first fic and I like how it's going. I will miss not only writing  
but reading fics too. The home I'm staying in doesn't have Internet. I hope I survive. Germany's   
Germany! I will now stop rambling and simply say this.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...   
  
  
  



	5. No Confession But A New Climax of Pain

  
Author's Note: Finally, here's part 5. It's been so long. Thanks to all of you who reviewed. Okay some to the actions of the characters seem confusing and maybe aren't well explained. Some will be later and some can't be fully due to their complex nature. If this bothers you I am sorry. When you review tell me any clarification you need. By the way please review. It would make me ever so happy.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.   
  
1ST UNDERSTANDING   
  
Three weeks Miyako remained in the hospital. Those three weeks were hell for her. The   
  
loneliness, the isolation, the shame, broken only by the visits of her friends and family. When they came   
  
she was able to put on a cheeriness that though a poor copy of her old self satisfied her worried loved ones   
  
and increased the guilt she already felt at hurting them with her pain. Soon they relaxed worried less,   
  
reveled in what they saw as her new happy lease on life. Davis grew less clingy and he had told her that   
  
she was his best friend as much as Ken. Ken's daily visits were uncomfortable and a necessity to her.   
  
Never had the lavender haired girl apologized so much. Deep in her heart and mind and soul she buried   
  
the pain that had not been cured at all by pills or knives or therapy and stomach pumps. Miyako pushed   
  
away her friends who could have healed it. she had done enough to them already. Of course, no one knew   
  
that remorse had twisted in Miyako into a greater depression. On the fourth week Miyako was released.  
  
A thin tall frame surveyed the Inoue house hold, including the family. Miyako smiled at them she wanted   
  
them to feel good about her return.   
  
"It is nice to be home. I can't believe I actually missed fighting for the bathroom, and the TV, and the   
  
food and,... Hey I changed my mind can I go back." Then the girl laughed and her family laughed with   
  
her.   
  
"Miyako honey" the increased tenderness with which her mother now spoke did not go unnoticed by the   
  
girl. "We're going out of town honey so could you pack some things."   
  
  
"Mom I just got home! How bout you guys go and I'll stay here and have Kari keep me company. Please."   
  
She grinned innocently.  
  
  
"Oh. Well as long as you aren't alone. It is only for the weekend. Are you sure you don't want to come.   
  
Do you want us to stay here with you?"  
  
  
"No I'm fine. Have fun. You deserve it." with that Miyako hugged each member of her family and   
  
skipped to her room.   
  
  
A few moments later the staring into space Miyako was pulled away from the sky by a ringing call in the apartment. "MIYAKO! DOOR!"   
  
"COMING" she called back in her best cheerful voice. To herself she groaned she wanted to think on her own for a while.  
  
"Oh Ken high!" she chirped in a travesty of her old self in his opinion. Ken grimaced, he knew it.   
  
"Miyako let's go for a walk."  
  
"Well okay Mom I'm going for a walk with a friend." The door shut with a snap and ken whirled to face her.   
  
"Are you really better Miyako?" his intensity frightened her. She unconsciously took a step back, away from her love.  
  
"Uh, why do you ask Ken. Of course I am." she looked into his eyes and recognized something in them. Pain. "What's wrong Ken?" The response was a deep sigh from the tall figure of Ken. He stood almost 4 inches taller than she, a fact which in happier times had been the subject of much play bickering.  
  
"Miyako, please talk to me. Talk to someone. You have problems. I'm sorry I scared you it's just... I'm still worried. The pain doesn't just disappear like you act like it did. I though that that place would help you that's why well , I was all for it, I convinced Kari, who convinced TK and Tai who... Maybe I was wrong about the place but not about this. I know pain and I can see it in you. Talk to me?" He gave a weak smile which under normal circumstances would have floored her.   
  
"Alright Ken" She murmured hollowly, "let's walk."  
  
The park in the twilight was awash in colors and peace coming with the growing deep navy of the sky. The mid summer air was cooling yet still so warm that you didn't just not need a sweater, you could never really recall ever needing one. Two figures walked in silence to a bench, out of the way but not really secluded. There was not need the park was practically deserted. Trees shaded the spot from the ferocity of the setting sun, and gave an illusion of cool. She, her lavender hair fitting the tones of the sunset broke the silence.   
  
"Ken what do you want me to say?"  
  
"Miyako still after almost a month of trying to figure it out I can't understand. Why would you want to die?" Ken forced himself to look directly into those eyes that made him want to cry because they held pain he didn't know how to ease and anger at him for intruding on her. Ken called the determination that he had lost after the Digimon Emperor died.  
  
"Does it matter? They said I'm cured."  
  
"Yes it does. I don't believe them. Look at you! you act happy but the pain in your eyes grows as you pretend to laugh. You are unhappy, angry and worst of all withdrawn. You never hid your feelings. You are worse if anything. You are lying. Where's your sincerity? I know you realize what you did to us. Suicide is the cowards way out. You are strong and caring, you should know that everyone wants to help you. SO TELL ME WHY MIYAKO!"  
  
"FINE!" her outburst, though expected still startled him. " I hate my body. I hate my personality, the big mouth. I hate my stupid self-pity. I hate that I'm not needed any more, that my destiny is over. We fought for the fate of two worlds when I was 13 and what do I have left now. I was love and sincerity and now look at me living lies and hate. I always loved romance, when I got the Digi egg of love I was so happy, but I've never had romance. I actually always hated my sincerity I was just a big mouthed idiot. Now all I do is lie to every one, even me. I didn't want to talk about this. I though maybe I was just being over dramatic. Or else I was afraid that someone would do just what you helped do to me. send me away. I need to be needed by someone. But everything is different. Everyone has some one or at least doesn't need me. Were they wrong or do you just want me gone. Fine Ken I'm going!"  
  
"Miyako." The voice was weak and teary. He sounded so much like a little boy again, a little boy who needed her to comfort him again. To assure him that all was forgiven and that he was kind, that as long as he needed a friend she'd be there. " Miyako I'm sorry, don't go. I need you." She stopped but didn't turn to face him.  
  
"No Ken you don't. You healed quite a while ago. Why would you need me?"  
  
Because I love you! Say it! I, Ken Ichijouji love you Miyako Inoue!. I love you! He froze and doubted.  
"I don't know. Um, you know, you're my friend that's it"   
  
Miyako turned and for a second her cold mask fell and she looked about to cry. Intense pain twisted her lovely and now horribly pale face.   
  
"I don't know Ken, about this friendship. You'll never...? I can't be you're friend anymore. I just...gotta go."  
Stop her. She's not safe. I can't let her just walk out of my life. Why can't I tell her. I love her. Miyako isn't just my friend.  
  
"Miyako come back!" the girl didn't falter as she walked away from him. Ken reacted to this the way that felt most natural he turned and began to run home, hoping to beat the impending tears. you coward! He screamed at himself. She needs me. she's a danger to herself but he couldn't stop. I just ruined everything. She hates me. an evil in the back of his mind scowled at his weakness. then why do you waste your time with her fool?" The true Ken answered in a way that fit most sensibly as he curled on his bed crying. I love her   
  
For the life of him Ken could not understand why he lied to his first and only love She practically asked me if I loved her and I practically said no. he dried his tears but remained troubled But she'll be better soon and then I'll tell her that I do love her.  
He had received very good hints that she loved him to or at least liked him. On one hand he was afraid that her depression loved him that really feelings she had for him were a result of her despair and loneliness. On another side he argued also against a love confession because the timing was off. She needed a friend not a lover . countering this thought was one that said he could be both. Additionally he also, though he forgave himself enough to feel he deserved friendship wasn't sure he deserved....  
  
"Ugh I can't believe I thought I could help her. What would she say if she heard that thought. I've got to live. I can love her more than anything. One day I will tell her. If she ever forgives me. "  
  
Miyako's mind was similarly whirling. What is wrong with me? I feel so hurt. The pain is the only thing that feels alive sometimes. Ken was right I'm not like me. I don't even deserve to be a former digidestined. Where's the sun. And now I lost my one chance at love Ken how could you do this to me? How could you all do this to me. the memory of her friends visit interrupted by the chases out of the room now brought her anger. Not at them for playing but at herself for ever having stopped their happiness. She was blinded by unreal guilt and anger and pain. Eyes flashing she reached behind her stereo without any thought she pried the lid off the little plastic jar and sighed in deranged comfort at the little capsules before tilting her head back and drinking down the bottle. Before, she had swallowed 45 now, although she didn't count, it could be inferred that 55 of the bottle were left. Reaching back again she gripped a small knife. She opened it and held it to her wrist scar cringing at the pain she would soon inflict on herself. She did not cry out as the knife made a shallow cut starting a bit of bleeding.   
  
She paused and suddenly an image of a handsome face framed by dark hair and twisted with grief and sadness flashed before her. She cringed. But the image was only the first. Next a boys face, slightly less handsome in Miyako's eyes flashed before her, spiky hair seeming to droop as tears spilled out of his eyes against his will. Then a pretty girl's face usually neat brown hair mussed as she hastily wiped her eyes and tried to return Miyako's smile. A boy's drawn face attempting to stay calm and collected. as he peered over the hospital bed holding the girl who had been his first crush, was now like a sister and was a friend through the death of his father but now had come close to leaving him of her own free. A blond boy looking angry at the world but at the same time like a little boy who blamed himself that a friend should be so sad and the girl he loved so distraught. Miyako dropped the knife and gasped at more images of her friends. An older girl of flaming red hair cried silently and unrestrainedly as she comforted a brown and big haired boy. A girl in all the latest fashion made a squeaking noise and buried her head into the oldest boy as he pushed his blue hair back and struggled to remain professionally composed and comforting to the girl while he read her medical chart to them all. A red head confused by a situation in which he couldn't use his knowledge to help his friend. Another blonde who was hurt by a friend he had never been close to. Flash! Her mom, dad, sisters, brother. Him, again him looking lost and so scared that she wanted only to comfort him and cease his fears.   
  
"Oh god. Ken was right what's wrong with me. I don't want to die. I don't want to die!" Miyako cried and did the first thing that made sense. She reached for the phone.   
  
  
RING RING...RING RIN...  
  
"Hello? Miyako?!"   
  



	6. A Weakened Hero

Author's note- Finally part 6! I'm sorry it took so long. School just has me so busy. But no matter the space between the chapter uploads, this story will be finished. I hope you are enjoying the story. I would really appreciate any comments, just please no flames. In this chapter I use a mix of American and Japanese names, I hope that's okay. Oh I made up one flash back and the other two may not be exactly like they were in the show. The time it takes for certain things to take effect (you'll see) I am not sure, just go with me. Okay now if you're interested I've got a short explanation of why I have a suicidal Miyako in my story. If you don't care skip down to the story.   
I can see Miyako being suicidal for several reasons. First, I think that her energy and happiness must get tiring for her sometimes. Also the whole destiny thing, it seems like she did want to prove herself and she did. As a young girl she tried to live up to the burden of being chosen, that must have been tough. And I could see it being tough to fulfill your destiny at, as I have in the story 13, (by the way I got this from the American series, Yolie says that she is in the 8th grade) wouldn't your life after this lose some meaning? Finally I feel that depression can happen to anyone. That's a little summary for you now on with the show.  
  
DISCLAIMER: no I'm sorry, I don't own DIGIMON. Generally American high school students don't own their own Japanese television shows. I'm also using the lyrics to Hero by Enrique Iglesias, which also don't belong to me. (I'm not a big fan of Enrique (no offense if you are) the song is just perfect)   
  
FIRST UNDERSTANDING  
last time  
  
RING RING...RING RIN  
  
"Hello? Miyako?!"  
--------   
  
"Ken?" her voice quivered just a bit.  
  
"Yeah it's me Miyako" he murmured back noting silently, her weak voice.  
  
"Ken I'm scared I don't want to die. I'm sorry I said you were a monster. I'm sorry I was mad. I do want to be you're friend!"   
  
Ken smiled softly into the phone. It was a sad smile, a remembering smile. The honesty of her statement struck him so much. Nothing suited Miyako like honesty.   
  
FLASHBACK----  
"Ken it's okay I know you were scared and it would have been silly for you to fall down with us."  
---------------------  
FLASHBACK  
'I look forward to the day when you join us Ken'   
---------------------  
FLASHBACK  
"You shouldn't stop trying because no little mushroom is helping you Ken. You can be smart on your own. You are only stupid if you let the evil be the only way you can get ahead. That's the thing about believing in yourself and being believed in. It's not that you can't let them down it's that you shouldn't. Don't let either of us down Ken. For what it's worth I think you're still smart."  
---------------------  
"I'm glad Miyako. I never wanted to let you down. I think..."  
  
"Uh, Ken sorry but, do you have a car?"  
  
"Yes, why, Miyako what's wrong." Worry crept into Ken's heart as he thought of his love's earlier words.   
  
" Ken, I.." she choked on her words, "Just come here please, to my apartment, would that be okay, you think?"  
  
"Yes Miyako, Why?"   
  
"Hurry, please!" Ken was denied further questions by the click of Miyako's phone. He paused a moment staring at the phone, then he sprang to his feet and sprinted to the door. Pulling on his shoes hastily he called,   
"Mom, Dad, I going out, I'll be back, I'm taking the car!" and with that he slammed the door behind him.   
  
"Okay, honey, have fun, drive safe"  
  
The drive from Tomachi to Odaiba took Ken 20 minutes, less than the usual time. As the elevator climbed to her floor he tapped his foot nervously. What could be wrong. Why would she say that, "I don't want to die," what happened?  
  
"Miyako!" No time for politeness, Ken banged through the unlocked door and yelled her name again, "Miyako!"  
  
"I'm in here Ken." Her voice was soft and frightened. It hurt him.  
  
  
Would you cry  
  
If you saw me cry  
  
And would you save my soul, tonight?  
  
"Miyako?" he said again, this time softly as he traced the sound of her voice down the hall and gently opened the door. She looked bad, sick. Her form shook as she lay curled on the top of her sheets. She was sweating and pale. Her limp hair was wet with sweat and partially obscured a tear streaked face. Ken felt tears come to his eyes as he gazed at her, crying, tears silently running down her face. His heart clenched and his soul cried to see her like this.   
  
"What's wrong?" kneeling beside her he pushed her hair back and turned his head to gaze into her eyes. He looked at her pained face, running one hand down a teary cheek, the other passing over pale lips.   
  
Would you tremble  
  
If I touched your lips?  
  
Would you laugh?  
  
Oh please tell me this.  
  
Now would you die  
  
for the one that you loved?  
  
Hold me in your arms tonight  
  
She shivered again and gave a weak smile. It quickly died on her face, was she dying too, Ken wondered?   
  
"Ken I don't want to die," she whimpered, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry" the tears came faster now poured out of her eyes to mingle with the sweat. She coughed and ken stared in horror as a bit of blood stained her sheets. "Ken I need to go to the hospital, please. I'm sorry Ken, so sorry, sorry,"  
  
"MIYAKO, WHAT! Happened?" he softened his voice as she cringed at his sudden out burst, whimpered. His mind spun out of control before crashing to the horrible explanation.   
  
He spoke in a quiet panic, "How many pills?"  
  
"I don't know." She moaned apologetically, "Enough" Ken's mind went screaming into his own private hell. He stood quickly then bent and scooped her into his arms.  
  
I can be your hero, baby,  
  
I can kiss away the pain.   
  
I will stand by you forever.   
  
You can take my breath away.  
  
"Okay, let's go to the hospital." He held her perhaps a little to closely, as though he could hold her life into her. She felt the extra strength in his grip but did not complain. She too was comforted by it.   
As they proceeded to the door Ken wondered aloud, "Miyako, where's your family?"  
  
"They're on a trip she sobbed. "Mom and Dad had business in the US, some kind of weird food convention. My sisters and brother went for the fun, but I wanted to stay. I said I'd stay at a friend's or have someone stay here." Ken fumbled with the door.  
  
"Ken what are you doing?"  
  
"Miyako we have to go to the hospital fast, I can't help you alone!" Ken hurried as fast as he could, his mind screamed impatience as the elevator lumbered down. Outside she coughed up more blood. Ken drove for the Odaiba hospital. Was there enough time? She found tissue in the car and held it to her mouth. Not because he asked. She held the tissue to her mouth until she was prompted to break the uneasy silence, she was, after all still Miyako, his Miyako.   
  
Am I in too deep?  
  
Have I lost my mind?  
  
I don't care...  
  
You're here tonight  
  
"I don't know why Ken." She almost whispered. She told him everything. "I didn't even realize what I was doing until it was done. I'm sorry I said I wouldn't be your friend. I just was afraid that that was all, forever. I'm sorry I was mad. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just crazy, am I crazy Ken? You were kind of crazy too, no offense. You understand it don't you? Understand?" the last word sounded like a plea, like before.   
  
Ken did understand and he understood the depth of his love as his heart clenched at her babbling, punctuated by a small cough.   
  
"I do understand Miyako. You don't need to apologize anymore. It will be okay. We'll be fine, you'll be fine." He pulled into the hospital parking lot, the emergency lane, he could move his car later. As carefully as he could he lifted Miyako from the car and ran into the emergency waiting room. A nurse looked at the pair, concerned.   
  
"Sir what are you doing, sir?" Ken's glanced down at Miyako shake. "Ken I hurt, I'm... tired. Ken stay with me, please I just..." her eyes closed. Ken felt his heart pang yet again.  
  
"This girl is Inoue Miyako, she overdosed on medication. I don't know how much but she's really sick." Miyako stirred again, "I'm sorry, I don't want to die, not anymore." She fainted. The nurse called for a stretcher as she felt Miyako's damp forehead worriedly.   
  
Oh I just want to hold you.   
  
I just want to hold you.  
  
Am I in too deep?   
  
Have I lost my mind?  
  
I don't care...   
  
you're here tonight.  
  
Soon the stretcher came, he didn't want to let her go. as long as she was here, as he was holding her, it felt more secure. He was sure now of how much he couldn't lose her. But he had to let her go.   
Gently he laid her down and stroked her hair, moving it away from her damp face. He kissed her mouth ever so lightly, hoping there would be another time.   
  
"Miyako I..." but she was carted away. The nurses barking quick orders, assessments. The counter nurse looked at the bedraggled boy and smiled a bit, knowingly, pityingly. Ken went and moved his car. He sighed as he walked to the pay phone, feeling the change he had exchanged much of his money for. They had to know he knew that.   
  
RING RING...  
"Hello?"   
"Hello, Daisuke?"  
"Hey Ken! What's up?" Ken felt guilty at his friend's happy ignorance.  
"Davis, Miyako's in the hospital, no I'm not joking. The one here in Odaiba. Come down here. I gotta call the others."   
CLICK  
Daisuke slammed down the phone and looked at it in horror. Then he raced out the door, mind racing and sobbing. Confusion.  
-----------  
RING RING... RI..  
  
"Hello, Hida residence this is Iori speaking"  
  
"Cody, it's Ken. Miyako is in the Odaiba hospital. Come over when you can. good-bye"  
And then Cody was out the door to, hitching a ride with TK and Matt who had been visiting. They too had received a call. The three wondered why their friend had not called them to help her.  
------------  
"Tai come on, we've gotta go, I need you to drive."  
  
"See Kari that's why you need to get your license. I'm on the phone with Sora"  
  
"No Tai, Miyako is in the hospital! Ken just called on my line, said to tell Sora. We have to go!"  
  
"Sora did you hear that?" Tai cried into the phone. "Good, yeah we'll pick you up!"  
----------  
"Hello Izumi, Koushiro speaking."  
  
"Izzy, Miyako is in the Odaiba hospital, can you tell Mimi and Joe?"  
  
"What?! Uh okay Ken. But what,..."  
CLICK  
"Happened? Damn, Miyako what did you do to yourself?"  
---------  
"Joe it's Izzy, Mimi there too? Good, listen, Miyako is in the hospital."  
  
"Yeah the one in Odaiba. Yeah I'll see you there"   
  
His work done, one dark haired boy slumped into a chair at the farthest corner of the waiting room.   
  
I can be your hero, baby.  
  
I can kiss away the pain.  
  
I will stand by you forever.  
  
You can take my breath away.  
  
"Miyako," he muttered, "Miyako! I understand" Ken rested his face in his hands. He had done it, gotten what needed to be done, done. And he had not cried. But now, alone, unsure, away from a love who had been dying slowly in his arms he cried.   
  
I can be your hero.  
  
I can kiss away the pain.  
  
And I will stand by you forever.  
  
You can take my breath away.  
  
You can take my breath away.  
  
I can be your hero.  
  
And the dark haired boy cried as he had not cried since he discovered the truth of the evil of the Digimon Emperor that was him. He cried as his friends arrived and found comfort and solace in each other over their fallen friend. He gasped and choked as he wished to be young, to be ignorant. He cried until his tears would no longer fall and he was bent with weak wracking gasps, that soon subsided into a simple moan of a girl's name.   
One by one his friends regretfully and apologetically came to stand in front of him. Kari took his hand, it felt cold. She spoke for them all.  
  
"Ken we need to know what happened. I'm sorry, I understand that it is bad. But we need to know."  
  
"Understand?" Ken whimpered, it sounded a little like a plea.  
  
To be continued....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. The Awakening

Well, contrary to what it may seem I have not dropped off the face of this earth, nor have I forgotten about this story. This is the final chapter, excluding the epilogue, which will follow shortly. Finally, with winter break and college apps done I can finish. I you hate fluff, be warned, this will give you cavities quicker than you can say Kenyako. PLEASE REVIEW. I LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK. Yes, I'm talking to you, (Insert name here)!   
  
Disclaimer: If I had a nickel for every time someone though that I owned Digimon, well, I guess I be pretty much where I am now. I don't own Digimon, just the crazy things I make the characters do.   
  
  
  
  
1ST UNDERSTANDING last time...  
  
"Ken we need to know what happened. I'm sorry. I understand that it is bad. But we need to know."  
  
"Understand?" Ken whimpered; it sounded a little like a plea.  
  
  
First Understanding Chapter 7: The Awakening  
  
"Please Ken"  
  
Ken looked away. "I ... she ...we talked earlier today. I wanted her to talk to me. I didn't know why she wasn't better." He sounded young as he relieved that afternoon and felt as though someone was wringing out his heart. "I didn't believe that she was better and she got mad. I got mad." He was ashamed, fighting with the love of his life while her sanity hung in the balance. "She told me that no one needed her I said I did but I couldn't say it was because I... She said we couldn't be friends she left I called once and she didn't answer so I went home." He said the last part with and emotionless face a dead voice. "she called me, sounded urgent, said come over and I did but she had done it again, overdosed." He felt tears and closed his eyes and heard the mocking boy in his head Ken screamed in his head, the voice laughed ken was knocked out of his inner turmoil by Davis Motomiya, or rather, his fist.  
  
"Idiot." Davis snarled as he strained against Matt and Tai, strained to attack Ken. "You fought with her, let her go away mad. What is wrong with you. I though you loved her."  
  
Ken felt a fire of anger, "I do love her Davis! More than I can say. She got mad at me. She hurt me. I can't change what happened. I wish I could but I can't. What do you want from me?"   
  
Davis froze then relaxed and stared at his best friend. He motioned to Tai and Matt that he was okay and the Davis and Ken were left alone. Davis gave a sheepish, teary, half smile and hugged Ken.  
  
"I'm sorry Ken. I just care about her too. I love her too. And when I think of her in pain, I guess I just kind of lose it.   
  
Ken stared. " You mean that" he stared in guilty disbelief.   
"Davis, I'm sorry. I didn't know."  
Hey no problem man. You'll make her happy. And if you don't I'll just kill you." he laughed. "Really Ken, it's okay."   
  
  
"Excuse me children?" the digidestined looked up from the various spots where they were sprawled in the hospital waiting room. The nurse was kind and they were able to forgive her the semi-patronizing voice with which she spoke.   
  
"Your little friend hurt herself quite a bit but luckily the little lady should be okay, after a short hospital stay, that is." She paused and smiled at the brightening faces around her. "We have called the girl's parents and they will arrive as soon as possible, but, as they are quite far away it may be as many as three days. Therefore, taking into concern that Miss Inoue has expressed the desire to not be left alone, we would like to request that at least one of you remain with her at all times." she smiled encouragingly at the faces and added her last words to them, " you may visit her now." 11 bodies leapt up and ran to the nurse.  
  
"YOLIE!" it was five voices of undiluted bliss. She looked up at them surprised, gave a small smile the a shiver passed through her body and she sobbed.  
  
"Oh my friends. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, never! I love you all so much I am so sorry. And...and I don't want to die anymore. I am so sorry!" she was cut off by a feeling of intense affection as she was embraced by all her friends at once.  
  
Kari spoke for the group and with tears in her eyes smiled at Yolie. We are sorry too Yolie. But know more sorrys just, please, get better.  
  
They stayed late into the night and spoke to her. she felt something in her loosening, and she cried, so much. But the tears were good. They were tears that made her feel lighter, calmer, freer, as if she was becoming the go-gettum girl of her destined days. She had the same destiny of all of them, to have their friendship and to take what came, just like the rest of the non-digidestined world. It was not until the next morning that most of her friends, promising to come back soon, set out for home. Soon only Davis and Ken remained. Davis approached her bed, "Yolie, please, never scare me like that again, I..." he gave her a half grin, "I couldn't handle you dying." He leaned over and kissed the side of her mouth. Her eyes went wide but then her face softened and she spoke kindly (for once!) to him, "Don't worry about me Davis, but thank you for caring." He nodded to her, gave the rather red faced Ken and odd look and left.   
He looked at her and she looked away.  
"So Ken I..."  
"Yolie I'm sorry."  
"No Ken, I'm sorry, I treated you badly. I blamed you for my pain, I am very sorry Ken." Tears crept slowly down her face and he handed her a tissue silently.  
"Yolie, did you mean it?"  
She sniffed but seemed to recover. "Mean what Ken?"  
"What you said to me" realization came to her face and she blushed and gave a hollow laugh.  
"Some Ken."  
His heart stopped and he spoke quickly. "Well, I could call someone else to stay with you, if you still want company, I could leave."  
"Please don't"  
"You want me to stay?"  
Of course I do baka! I wouldn't have said I did if I didn't, duh!" she looked embarrassed by her once characteristic display of anger. Her face reddened and she broke heir eye contact. She spoke in a small voice that he hated, "You can go if you want."  
Ken was possessed by something bold, perhaps it was seeing that glimpse of the old her and he strode over to her and grasped her shoulder and looked into her eyes again. "I meant some of what I said too Yolie. I don't want to leave." He examined her confused face. "Do you really not see?" he gave a bitter laugh, "Maybe I am a baka. Why should you. I practically told you the opposite. I..." but Yolie was recovering and that meant that her tempered was light by this seemingly incoherent blabbering.  
"Hello Ken! What the hell are you talking about! Ken talk to me you idiot boy genius. Are we friends or not." She blushed again but smiled as he turned and looked at her, amazed and smiling, in a way still uncommon for him.  
"Well yes and no Yolie." He looked at the ground, then shook himself and looked straight at her.  
"When I said I needed you I didn't lie, but, I don't need you just because we're friends Yolie. I need you because you cared about me but weren't afraid to smack some sense into me. I need you because you more then any other were the opposite of the Digimon Emperor. You were so open, so free. I couldn't understand any thing about you. I remember the first day I understood something about you, really understood. I saw you laughing and crying, and dancing around nearly strangling Cody after you got into the high school you wanted. And I understood, you were so happy to have your life, and so happy to have him. I can't believe now that I didn't see the change occur, when your life left you, but I still have so much I understand." She looked confused. "That time I understood how much passion you had in everything, for something as simple as doing well enough on a test to make you feel so much, the first time I understood you Yolie, that was the first time I understood that I did not only wish to be your friend. I didn't fall in love with you at first sight Yolie Inoue, I fell in love with you at first understanding. And Yolie I will do everything I can to make you better, to make you back into the insane creature that I first fell in love with, though I do love you the way you are today as well." He had somehow turned his eyes away from her to his black shoes, one had a scuff, he felt exposed and foolish. He heard a giggle. Was she laughing at him?  
"Ken you baka, I can't believe you'd settle for me when you could be such a ladies man." She giggled again. "Honestly, how could I ever top that?" she smiled a full smile and his heart almost burst, rejected or not, he felt that smile was worth it.  
"Ken, you should know that I love you, but being the idiot to emotions that you are I'll say it. Ken, I love you. I have for so long and I think, that I always will. Ken can you promise to never hurt me?" she looked at his open mouth elated face and nodding and she laughed, and it felt good and free. Yes, he was right, she wanted to be the loud, rude, and happy Yolie again too.  
"Really?" he looked slightly doubtful still, amazed, and had a concealed joy in his eyes.  
"Well then, Ken, would you mind giving me a kiss?"  
He bent over her and Yolie thought that it seemed like a very romantic movie, ending, the kind of movie she always hated, The kiss was short and sweet and mind blowing. She looked up at him. They smiled  
"So you understand Ken?"  
  
THE END  
BUT the epilogue is soon to come! I can't ignore the wise words of Miss Miyako (Yolie) Inoue. How will it turn out? 


	8. Always Understanding

Oh, this is the end! I'm so sad and happy at the same time! Wahh! (cries) My first fanfic, I'm so proud. Thank you to everyone and anyone who reviewed. Reviews are appreciated. Thank you again to all those who read and enjoyed enough to tell me.   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon.  
  
Chapter 8: (The epilogue) Always Understanding  
  
Dear Yolie,   
I always remembered what I said to you. I truly did love trying to understand you everyday. My Yolie, do you know I never called you that? I know you were never mine. It was something else that I understood, that nobody ever owned you. I wouldn't have liked to own you at the price of your freedom. Did you own me? I don't think so. I understand about love Yolie, it is not ownership but understanding. I think we really didn't need promises or anything I still loved you. Sorry I am so mushy, but Yolie, I wouldn't have wanted anything but to be able to see you forever, even if I could never do more than look at you. My last understanding of you was that you really did keep to what you said. You loved me forever. I will love you forever too from first understanding until well there is nothing existing except great loves. I am sorry if this letter is too sappy for your liking, but as I understood it, even though you always said you hated "That kind of thing" you did like to hear it if it was true. Every word, Yolie, I meant every word.  
Sincerely   
Ken Ichijouji  
  
A tear dropped onto the letter. A thin form dropped to the ground beside a grave, kissed the headstone. The figure was thin but unbent by time. Her faded lavender-gray hair blew in front of her face and was pushed away. The letter, found attached to the will was clutched in her hand, as her lifeline. More tears dripped down the wrinkled face.  
"Oh, Ken..." the voice was soft but heavy with a private pain.  
"I'm not ready Ken, not ready for you to be gone." She read his gravestone again, and again, trying to understand why after years of happiness there was an end. She was conflicted because she never really believed in a heaven, exactly, and neither did he. She believed in souls because of him, only for m=him, that their love was not so hollow as attraction and electricity in nerve cells. But she just didn't know... Was he gone from her forever? lost?   
"Does nothing last forever? Am I never going to fell you next to me again?"  
"No Ken, I won't let you. Baka, you better be somewhere I can find you, when I'm gone too." She sniffed and then sobbed anew.  
"My soul will find yours Ken, waiting, ne?"  
She read the letter.  
"Ken?" she read his gravestone.  
"Understand?" it sounded like a plea.  
  
THE END From first understanding to last   
I'll love you  
From when you want to die  
Until you live again  
I'll save you or stand by you  
From the first time that I saw your heart  
To when I saw it break   
I hid  
But no more.  
I only have a soul because I love you.  
I'll love you if there is anything still existing.  
From first understanding to last  
I'll cherish everything between  
I'll love you. 


End file.
